A cat like weekend

I was a cat this weekend.  I was lazy.  I lounged around the house.  I didn't leave the house - okay I stepped outside the house to get the cats in and to help "R" hang up the sheets and towels on the line.  But I was very cat like this weekend. 

With the layoffs at work on Monday, I just wanted to wallow in self pity.  Why them and not me?  Then I didn't want to think at all, I just wanted to lay in the sun beams with the cats (yes, they did share them with me). 

I spent most of the weekend laying around reading with a cat on me.  I think they knew I needed comforting.  She would just look at me, blink her beautiful gold eyes and purr.  Then she'd start working her very sharp claws into my arms, stomach, legs or whatever she happened to have her front paws on at the time.  Yes, she really loves me. 

Thankfully "R" understood my need to just "BE".  And he was able to handle taking care of himself before we married and hasn't forgotten how to do those things so he was able to find the wash machine and do the laundry this weekend.  Granted the rest of the house didn't get cleaned but a quick vacuum is all it needs. 

I might the rest of his needs (I'm sure you can figure those out for yourself).  LOL  And I think that is also why he left me be a lazy cat this weekend.  Oh, and I did fix him a big breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast Sunday morning.  Guess this cat was hungry. 

Survivors guilt from layoff?

Can one get survivors guilt from surviving a layoff at work?  Yesterday they laid off 1/3 of my department.  I'm one of the few who was left standing in the office helping my few former co-workers clean out their desks.  Granted by this time, there had been so many lay offs that there were only 6 of us left (they let one go last month).   When I started at the company 11 years ago, there were 24 of us in the department.  But these two people were great friends and co-workers.  This is not the first place we had worked together.  In fact one of the ladies, we had work together for over 24 years at different places. 

So today I'm going to walk into the office with only 4 of us left.  We have no idea how we're going to do the jobs of seven people.  We haven't had raises in 4 years and in fact, make less money due to the rising cost of health insurance than I did 4 years ago.  I'm sure the cost of insurance will go up again this year. 

There is no rhyme or reason as to who they picked to lay off.  1 of the ladies had less time with the company and the other had more time with the company than I did.  We all basically did the same job.  I don't want to go to the place anymore.  They say they are a family friendly place to work but that is not true any more.  They've hired on 6 new people in the that 2 weeks than they lay off a bunch of people this week.  It wasn't only my department hit, every department in the company lost at least 1 person.  And it wasn't the new hires that got let go either. 

I've been with this company 11 years.  I think it is time to start looking for another job, in another industry.  I just don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

I don't know how much work I'll get done today as the boss said we're going to have to regroup to figure out how to try to make this work.  She didn't know it was happening until yesterday morning and she was really mad when she found out they were letting two of her people go.  She had no say in the matter or who they let go.  She stood in the hallway and cried with us.

Should be a stress filled day, month, rest of the year.  And I feel so guilty for still having a job and my friends not having theirs. 

Cutting my hair

So on the way home from work today I stopped and got my hair cut.  7 inches cut off.  Now that does sound like a lot and it is but my hair was down past my butt.  I was always sitting on it.  Shutting it in the car door or in the filing cabinets at work.  Now it is just past my waist. 

R is away so he doesn't know I cut hair and I'm not going to tell him.  I want to see how long it takes him to notice.  He usually takes a before and after picture but it wasn't that much (not really). 

It really needed to be cut.  It had been 5 years since I had cut it so it had a lot of split ends.  I started with just having 3 inches cut but then she showed me that to get all the split ends it would take another 4 inches, so I told her to do it.  Just do it before I run.  She sold me some conditioner to just after I wash it to help with not get split ends.  My hair grows quickly so I'm hoping within the next 6 months it will be back to being below my butt again.  So I can complain about getting it shut in the car door, filing cabinets.   :)

My head does fill a little lighter or maybe that is from the flu shot I got yesterday.

Being without him

I'm finding out what life would be like without R in it and I don't like it.  R left Monday and won't be back until Thursday. 

I've had to deal with problems at the house (R usually takes care of these things). 

There have been problems at work. 

I got the flu shot and it made me sick. 

The cats have been grumpy because he is gone (and so have I). 

It's been very lonely without him.  :(

I don't like this life without him.  I want him home and I still have two days before he is back here.  I know he will be tired when he gets back from his trip and will want to just have a quiet night.  Life is much easier with R home.  I know what to expect.  What to do.  When to do it.  I want him home.

I've never minded being alone before but this time has been different.  I think with my Gram passing recently I just need him here with me not away.  Knowing he is close, just a few minutes drive away not hours away is a big difference. 

Come home soon my Sir.

Can September get better before it ends?

I'm so hoping it does.  I went to my first WW meeting in over a month.  I thought I would have gained but I actually lost 3.4 pounds.  Boy was I shocked.  I guess subconsciously I'm still with the program.  I'm trying very hard this week to stay on the program.  Hope next Monday there will be another drop in the scale.  Now if only I would get downstairs on the treadmill or elliptical, now that would help the matter.

My mom called yesterday and left me a message at work asking me to call her and than thanking me at the the end of the message.  I thought that was really weird.  So I call her back and she asks if I have a dermatologist.  I tell her yes and she wants the name and number.  I'm like Mom did you get some news back you want to share with me?  "Oh yeah it came back positive.  I have skin cancer on my nose."  She's like it's no big deal.  I just sat at my desk shacking my head.  Only my Mom could think skin cancer was "no big deal".  Gram had skin cancer on her nose and check.  I guess Mom knew she had this spot for over 2 years and is just now getting it taken care tested.  So times I just don't get parents.  They get after you if you don't take care of yourself then they don't take care of themselves.  I'll be keeping a closer eye on her from now on.

Work is still dicey.  Never know from one day to the next if we'll have a job or not (or if the company will be able to meet payroll).  Guess I'll just keep showing up until they can't but if I was smart I'd be finding my resume and updating it.  Jobs aren't a plenty around here so it could take a while to find another one.  With "R" self employed, I'm responsible for our health insurance.  So not having a job is not an option. 

So good that I lost weight.  I just have to keep that in mind as a positive for September.

And the Angrer begins

I'm really feeling angry about my Grandmother's death.  The more I find out about what happened the madder I get at my Uncle.  She actually fell at 2:30 in the afternoon but he (nor the nursing home) didn't bother to call until 8:30 the next morning.  So my Gram's laid in a hospital bed all that time alone with no one with her.  We could have been with her.  Maybe she would have pulled through if we had been there right after it had happened or if my Uncle had bothered to go to the hospital with her.  Selfish bastard didn't even bother to go with her to the local small hospital let alone try to get to the big hospital the moved her too. 

We've found out a lot of other things since then too.  My Uncle opened up credit cards in her name and maxed them out.  Of course, he didn't pay them off.  They are in collections or have been wrote off as bad debit.  He really did a number on my Grandmother.  When she went into the nursing home 7 months ago, his cash cow went a way.  I don't know if there is any legal way to make him pay for everything that he did to my Gram but I trying to find out.  She shouldn't have had to live with him doing that to her.  He got her mail so he could hid what he was doing and he had her phone disconnected.  Oh, the big one - he canceled the insurance on the house back in June of this year and didn't tell anyone (he was still living in the house).  My mom found out when she found a letter from the insurance company that it had been canceled (Mom owns the house).  So now Mom has had to pay for insurance on the house. 

I hope karma is true and he gets his because he has a lot coming due. 

Goodbye Grams

My Grams passed away on September 4th.  She fell at the nursing home.  Isn't that the way these days? 

That's how R's my passed away also, from a fall.  She laid on the floor for 3 hours before they found her and then she had a broken hip they didn't discover for 2 months.  It caused her so much pain and they just gave her pills and more pills.  She finally ended up with pneumonia 3 months after the fall and passed away.  That was 3 years ago but recently it's felt like yesterday. 

My Gram and R's mom use to spend time together when we would visit one of them.  They lived close enough that we could drive to pick the other up and bring them to the others house.  So it really hit home when my Gram fell at the nursing home.  They didn't bother to call my Mom until almost 24 hours after the fact.  She had been sent to the Wichita hospital by then with a brain bleed.  She had been there alone for over 12 hours.  If the nursing home had called we could have been there when she arrived.  So was due to my Uncle (the bastard).

My Uncle managed to get power of Medical over my Grams and decided not to do anything to help her.  Yes, she had a brain bleed but she was a fighter.  I think she could have survived the surgery.  She  had hip surgery at 85.  What's brain surgery at 95.  She could still walk (yes, with the help of a walker), she still had her mind (it was a little fuzzy at times - but when they give her pain meds she didn't need my mind would be fuzzy too). 

I can still she her walking around her house and if you didn't get out of her way she'd run you over.  She loved working out in her yard, yes even in her 90's she worked in her yard.  She'd only been in the nursing home the last 7 months.  I hadn't had a chance to get up to see here there (5 hours drive), but that doesn't matter now, does it.  She was always doing something in her house or outside in the yard.  She was a very active person until my Uncle moved into her house.  But that is another story and not a good one.

I love you Gram and will miss you.  Rest in Peace.

Love your granddaughter.