So R has been really horny because I've been sick and unable to see to his needs. But yesterday I was feeling better and don't think he didn't realize it. He didn't even give me a spanking (and I really wanted one). He talked about using the butt plug for the first time but he just wanted a good old fashion fuck. Poor guy hadn't gotten an since December 24th. I started getting sick on December 26th.
He's promised me that I'll be going over his knee to make up for all the time off this past couple of weeks. It's not like I wanted to get sick, it just happened. I didn't get the new canes ordered for Christmas but I'm going to order them this week so they are here by the end of the month. That will make him happy.
We finally got the Christmas tree down yesterday also. Yeah, longest it's ever been up. We bought a new one this year so it was really pretty to have it up that long.
R and I talked a lot over New Year's Eve after our guest left, he was feeling very good and very talkative. So I'm suppose to write a fantasy for him that I want to come true. He really doesn't like to tie me up but I love the loss of control so that is what I think I'm going to focus on, so maybe he will understand better my need to give up complete control to him. Because I still find myself holding back and not giving in, letting go.
Guess I'm still scared to give up that last bit of control even after 24 years of marriage. I guess that loss of control as a child and being abused still has a hold on me and I need and want to let it go. But I need R's help make it happen.
Wish me luck.
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