Fighting with your man

So we argued last night.  R has been smoking again for almost a year and has promised several times to quit.  He just keeps coming up with excuses as to why he hasn't.  This wouldn't be so bad be he is sneaking out of the house, so I won't know he is still smoking.  Like I can't smell it on him.  He stinks.  His sperm tastes like nicotine and I won't swallow it.  Nasty Nasty Nasty

So last night I caught him sneaking back into the house.  I asked him,"Whatcha' doing?"  R says, "You know what I was doing."  So I asked him, "Why are you sneaking around about it?"  He tells me, "I don't want you to be mad about it."  Well, I am mad about it but more disappointed and that's what I tell him.  So he comes back with, "Well, I'm disappointed with you.  Every time you eat ice cream."  That was a big slap in the face.  I just walked off from him.  I left the room.  I did not want to talk to him any more.

Yes, I am over weight.  I've asked for his help in my weight lose.  I've even revealed to him how much I weight (and that was a big deal).  For him to throw that in my face was very hurtful.  But he has not helped me.  He has come to me and asked me to make brownies repeatedly.  He has asked me to buy M&M's, trail mix.  Bake cakes, cookies.  But not a word about why don't we exercise or go work out.  He knows I need that push when I get home from work.  So now I will make sure I am not naked in his presence again. He'll be able to get to the parts he wants to get to if he wants to get to them but I will not be asking him for sex.  If he is so unhappy with the way I look then I don't want him to have to look at me. 

R followed me to continue our conversation as he said it wasn't over.  He then proceed to inform me that I degraded him in front of his family with loud comments I made about his smoking.  I don't remember saying anything to his family.  I might have said I'm not happy that he is still smoking but that is all.  His excuse right now for not stopping is that we are going on vacation and that is stressful.  I told him I didn't realize going on vacation with me was stressful.  I may suggest this afternoon that he go without me so he doesn't have the stress of me being there to worry about while he is on vacation.  He is the one that wanted to go on vacation with his family and I agreed because he wanted to go so much.  I was looking forward to it but not now.  I don't want to be stuck in a car with him for a 9 hour drive one way and then in a small remote cabin for 5 days. 

I'm suppose to get off work at noon today but I may just work until my appointment at 2:30 so I don't have
to deal with him. 

I didn't tell him I loved him when I went to bed last night.  That was the first time in 25 years.  Needless to say, I did not sleep well.